On Relationships

And thus Lewis did enter the singles bar, and hit upon the honeys who had come to display their lady lumps and charming humps.  One especially lascivious chocolate milkshake did in fact approach our Master, and attempt to friction dance with Lewis.

Lewis did engage quite competently in the ritual, causing squeals of delight.  She turned to Lewis, and said, "Yo."  Lewis cast a disdainful glance at the milkshake, removing his Rod of Correction from her posterior.

Lewis laughed and turned to his disciples, " A lady does not use the phrase yo.  It is unbecoming."

"But Lewis, what can one do if a lady uses such vile colloquialisms of 1980s hip-hop culture?"  I implored between sips of my interracial sex on Howard Beach.

"By teabagging."  he stated, removing his mahogany lotus flower belt buckle.

We snickered at his response, but stopped suddenly when he turned his eyes upon us.

He spoke slowly. "Not her.  You."

And we were amazed and talked amongst ourselves.

Lewis Comments on the ambiance

Music wafts in from the window, and the disciples are moved to dance.

"Why does it sound like Hispanola over there? I'm waiting for someone to jump on a horse. Aaaaiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"

Lewis smiles. "Someone is a festive bitch"

Parenting

And thus Lewis did beckon the people, who took audience with him under the shade of his capacious belly. "What of children Lewis? How do we raise them in accordance with your teaching?" Lewis gazed quietly at his disciple, pulling small amounts of pink fuzz from his navel and scattering it into the wind. "My sperm gave birth to you. I own you until you are eighteen."

Considering the problem of evil

Lo, Lewis did reach outward into the world, utilizing whatever means he could to make contact with those with friendly ears. Apprehending the necessity of Internet communications, Lewis thus left this twitter message to his disciples who fastidiously monitor the status of He Who Is Himself Lewis.

HAHAHHAHAHA the snakes of Zion shall all die. What? What. What? You're taking the snake Jew side.

Amidst insects and the apparent world

Late this evening Lewis did arise, and present himself at the entrance to his chamber, clad in tight blue shorts. His eyes were dark, hidden in shadow. He laughed forcefully, and when he had gathered the attention of his disciples he laughed again, this time more urgently. Many cried out, "Lewis, what have you found so amusing?" and gazed with questions building. Lewis merely laughed again, turned, and retired into his bedchamber.

Contemporary means for immortal ends

Friends, gather your thoughts and collect within you any centers of nerves which still, despite the incessant tide of time, manage to reach out into the world with feeling, direct them here, to the sagacity presented in the pure phenomenology of Lewis. From hereon, all posts will contain that which has been spoken by Lewis himself. As for myself, I shall simply sit and wait for the lotus flower.